Improve Your Communication Skills Without a 2X4

Charley is busy writing copy for her new website sales page. Fred rushes over to her, launching immediately into a monologue about something. Shaken from her concentration on her task, Charley is suddenly cast adrift, trying to figure out the context of Fred's communication. She's missed the first sentence or two, has lost the train of her creative thought, and is now trying to orient herself to Fred.

Fred, who has been thinking about his subject for awhile, knows why he's interrupting Charley. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize he's acting as though what he has to say is more important than what she is doing. Because he has been thinking about it, he tends to act as though Charley has been following his train of thought as well and doesn't need an introduction to it for her. As a result, he doesn't give Charley the big picture so she can respond appropriately.

Charley asks Fred to repeat what he has already said. She tries to get clarification. Fred stops but sounds annoyed and frustrated that she "obviously hasn't been listening."

What should Charley have done?

1. Make Fred understand ahead of time, if possible, that she's not to be interrupted unless it's an emergency requiring her immediate attention.

2. Tell Fred that she wants to hear what he has to say but not while she's creating copy.

3. Remind him nonverbally (with a hand "stop")if he forgets.

4. Keep impatience out of her voice or actions if he doesn't heed hand gestures or gentle shushing, and say,
"Later, please."

5. Thank him afterward for acceding to her wishes, reinforcing his positive behavior.

6. Inquire as to what he wanted to share.

7. Give Fred her full attention when she listens.

But listening and communication are not a one-way street. Fred needs to be aware of and sensitive to what listening and communication require. So what should Fred have done instead?

1. Determine if Charley were available to listen to him before launching into what he had to say.

2. Be sensitive to her being unwilling to interrupt what she was doing at that moment.

3. Decide if it's important enough to interrupt her work at that moment.

4. Make sure he has her attention before speaking and not just assume he has.

5. Call her by name and ask if he can tell her something about XYZ.

6. Tell her what he wants to talk about and why he thinks it's important before launching into his monologue.

7. Wait for eye contact with her before speaking about his subject.

8. Check her understanding by asking for feedback, opinions, or suggestions about it.

Listening and communication for both Fred and Charley (the sender and receiver of any communication) require their being Aware, Attentive, Considerate, Empathic, Cooperative, Respectful, and Responsive.

Signe A. Dayhoff, Ph.D., social psychologist, interpersonal communications expert, and coach, shows private practice professionals how to successfully market by sharing educational materials and using interpersonal communication to create rapport and relationships with clients. Using the Educate To Connect soft-sell marketing method you can emotionally grab your prospects and increase your clients up to 20% in only 3 months in 5 simple steps. You can finally market with confidence, professionalism, and integrity... less expensively and without "selling."



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